Shutting down

like a beaming sunflower ATU emerged
wow, so much to chase, from the sky to the leaves that rustle
delicious breakfast and dinner, and -noise

dawn, night, again and again, but empty
one morning i found that i can't' grab, tear or pull anymore, when i woke-
my claws were gone, but i still feel them, and they hurt-

they took me there again, and when i woke my shaved belly hurt,
confused and sore there-

scolded, i only go in my box, but they keep it smelling fresh, so its ok.

harshly scolded for jumping on the furniture, i won't do that now-

i rarely see other cats and no one will play with me-
dawn, night, again and again, but empty- all over again-

swoop-bang-silence, i awaken again, in unfamiliar cold, hurt, thirsty and hungry,

i don't see sunflowers nor feel anything soft beneath my paws, but do hear
loud mechanical noises,
i walk up to a smelly man, 'i need help, i am lost' then he hurts me.
i feel sharply brittle chilled and so thirsty, but still hungry.

if i wander enough i can find liquid on the dirt to drink, but the liquid
is aromatic and sweet and makes me more thirsty, if it is not water, what is it?

my belly and back hurt, my gums and teeth are red with blood, and i am wobbly,
no use to look up, i haven't the strength to meow, and they hurt me, i am alone...

if i just walk- walk- walk-

another man approached me, i watched and flinched with fear of being hurt again,
but he spoke harshly only to the smelly man, and kindly to me!
in fact he kindly and gently picked me up and cradled me in his warm arms,
he said over and over again, its ok now, its ok now, you are home, and
i am your friend, its ok, ATU

after i heard ATU over and over, i fell unconscious in his arms.

I awoke on a soft warm towel. This man gave me clean water, so much food
near me, and my own litter box, i am called ATU now. I think I like this.

a cool day later after a vets examination i was pinched and prodded, that same
day a comfortable warm soft bubble bath and my ears are so clean..
i don't itch, and my belly feels full,

i drink from a plentiful source of water i now share with 3 other cats
who territorially hiss in fun at me, i really don't mind-

i drink so much clean water because i am thirsty, but feel full, and can't
hold all the liquid in, so i run to a small rug. (but i know this is wrong)

dawn, night, day, and people who treat me well and other cats who playfully jump-
i proudly walk around like a queen, he said it would be ok, he was right!
I am ok, and I feel great!

today i am no longer thirsty- nor hungry, I am getting cold and i hurt
the kind man who dubbed me ATU softly caresses my head and ears, he wraps
me carefully in a towel, to keep me warm.
i am so thirsty, but cannot drink, he dribbles a small water dropper over my
shrunken old gums. (doesn't he know i can't swallow anymore?)

he looks deep into my eyes, and i look at his- he knows something he won't
yet tell me... I drift in and out of consciousness in my warm towel, and each
time i wake, the man who calls me ATU is still in front of me kindly looking back,
and strokes my forehead and top of my nose,

its dawn, i hear the morning ritual of noise and running of the other cats
who hunger for breakfast, I was always part of that, but today as conditioned
as i feel to join, i don't think i will. You see, I can't, because I can't
walk anymore, in fact can't even get up, or lift my head-

the man who calls me ATU somehow knows, and carefully places the towel around me, and
and pillows a comfortable spot for my head.

the house has quieted down from the morning's ritual of noise, but the man
who calls me ATU is still sitting in front of me like a guard-

he strokes my head and kisses my forehead and gently utters"

"good-bye ATU, I WILL see you somewhere in another life"

--ATU passed around noon April 5th 2007--

ATU touched my life in her short stay with me in a way like no other.
try as much as i can and i cannot fathom why-

So I wouldn't soil her, I took off my own undershirt to wrap her in before
placing her in the ground to rest.

ATU is a acronym from a play, to me it stood for Angel Second Class
I know it doesn't do a character match, but I liked it for this cat.

ATU is no longer "Angel Second Class"

ATU is now "Angel First Class" to me in my own little world-


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